No, I haven't gone cuckoo.
I just feel , Im on a warfront, and its been officially declared SNAFU - " Situation Normal: All f***ed up" But its bin quite sometime now , and now I feel, SUSFU - " Situation unchanged : Still f***ed up" And in no time Im gonna be TARFU - " Totally and royally f***ed up". And I really hope I dont become FUBAR - " F***ed up beyond all recognition".
Scene : Railway Police Station Secunderabad.
Seriously,this is not what I expected a police station to look like. It was like any other Govt. office. Documents literally flying all over the place. Not many of them are in their uniforms, sipping chai, jabbering away in telugu. Pot -bellied , mucchad uncles all of them. Some tall , some, not-so-very-tall.
Police Uncle: Ammayikku Em Aayindi? ( What happened with this girl?) He asks without looking up at me.
Me : Sir, I lost my bag, sir. Before Guntur, somewhere close to Nidubroli.... The robber has left another bag, in place of mine, sir. ( I showed him the bag I found- My consolation prize which had an umbrella, a half drank bottle of Minute maid Orange and a duplicate RADO wrist watch)
Meanwhile a group of men hauled in a real skinny fellow and led him to another room nearby.
In the Background : Dishoom Dishoom Aaaaarrrrgggh
Police Uncle: What you lost?? ( in a strong Telugu accent)
Background : " ledu ledu sir, leduuu, nenu cheptha... cheptha" ( No, No no no Sir, I'll tell ... will tell)
I tried my best not to get distracted by all the wailing and howling behind me and said "Sir, Nenu Lap top bag, ID cards , Return Train Tickets, Exam Hall ticket, Konjam Loose cash, inka konjam necessary clothes motham poyindi , sir."
Police Uncle: Laptop-u???
Me : Ledu Sir, No Laptop.
Police Uncle: "Give me one written complaint", and passed over a plain white sheet of paper to me.
As I went and parked myself outside the station to write down the complaint, my eyes quickly scanned over the notice board which had photographs of wanted burglars, suitcase lifters, pickpockets, and chain snatchers.
And Maaaan!! Dont they all look decent! Some of them have even suited up for the photograph. Meanwhile a lady came out of the station, crying, begging, pleading.................and from nowhere did it look like,she was trying to find a missing bag, it looked more like she couldnt find .........a person.
And I prayed silently for her, ' may it NOT be her child, Oh Lord!' and finished my letter.
I ran in back to hand over the letter to Police Uncle, and he points to chair and says " Kurcho amma" ( Sit, girl)
I sat , and waited!
He came in and out., and finally came in again, asked me to get up, took my chair and turned it towards an old computer . He opens a word file and starts filling in my details. He types in such a pace that I wanted to politely tell him, 'Uncle ......err can I help you' . It took him a full 20 minutes to just erase the details of the previous complainant and fill mine in.
I stood there. Admiring my patience , observing my growling stomach and appreciating his diligence.
He copied the document in a thumb drive and went out. When he came back with the print out, he asked me to sit again and explained as he placed his signature and seal . " Look Amma...., this certificate should be enough for you to travel to your exam centre and back to Kerala. You can provide this at your examination centre also for duplicate hall ticket."
I thank him and open the document to read it, and it said.
" This is to certify that the following person lodged a complaint stating that she lost her belongings while travelling to Secunderabad.
A thorough check has been carried out but the missing bag and its content were not traced. In this regard all possible efforts were made to trace out the missing bag and its contents , but in vain.
Hence Certified. "
Sub Inspector of Police
P. S : The TTE in train had consoled me earlier, " Be grateful that YOU were not harmed. Forget your bag! This form is just a formality beta, now move on with your life"
P.P.S: An elderly lady consoled me, " Think that you've donated all your stuff to someone" (Yeah, right! How benevolent of me to give away my bra-panties )
P.P. S.S: The first two things I checked as soon as I realised I lost of my bag was:
1) My wedding ring : Its there. Thank lord platinum doesnt look pricely
2) Moth's Tee : My only consolation in FUBAR situations. That thankfully was in my suitcase , so the good news is I can still bury my face in it and sob.